Legendary Author Battles Episode 7 – The Transcript

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SIMON

The genre is science-fiction

CHRISTY

The hero is a tiger-human hybrid female called Chanda. She has fur which is heaviest on her head and tail so she can wear clothing.  She does not have human feet or hands all paws.  Long tail. Arms and legs like a human. A tail like a real tiger of course. Lots of muscle none of that flab look in real tigers.  Athletic body.

SIMON

The time period is 65 million years BC.

CHRISTY

The villain is a shape shifting time lord who dumped them in the land of the dinosaurs and instead of being the nice guy like Dr. Who, he is determined to keep certain species but his own kind from ever coming to be. So he figures if he twists life lines like he did with the heroes and they are unable to return to the present they’ll die out with the rest of their race.

SIMON

The hero’s special power is her innate dexterity and speed. She can balance on the top of a tree on one foot, or out run most animals over long distances.

CHRISTY

It was a normal 2215 day, the air inside the massive dome, where I live with various species, including Humans, is crisp thanks to the massive air filters installed way down in the planets interior. You see the planet I live in is several billion miles from Earth and although it has the basics for a living planet, unfortunately the air, soil, water and so on is deadly to all life except the barren planet outside of the dome.

It became inhabited when a bunch of NASA scientists back in 2060 decided it was time to have astronauts head to planet XZY3300 Alpha Zeda. They included in the shuttle seeds from a huge seed bank in Iceland, they emptied out, Earth soil, filtration systems for air and water and a whole bunch of other stuff needed to create life here. They did the same on one hundred other plants as well. Now the life that isn’t human or other alien life they discovered after coming here, was created like myself. Although I must tell you, I wasn’t meant to be a hybrid tiger and human. I was supposed to be the long extinct tiger, a regular big cat. Unfortunately, the aliens who made me called bzknqa, don’t ask me how its pronounced nor what it means, its whole other tale. Suffice to say these reptilian naked rabbit like aliens didn’t know what they were doing and got the whole genetic recipe wrong. Personally I think I am a terrific creation!

My name is Chanda, it is Sanskrit, some dead language, and means fierce, hot, and passionate–all things I am. My profession is a raider kinda like Indiana Jones, I know about him because of a few relics I found in my Dad’s possessions.. a DVD with the title “Indiana and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, a television, and a DVD player. No idea why he kept these at home given his profession museum dedicated to Earth. Dad is the grandson of one of the astronauts that first came here. For some reason he felt nostalgic about this stuff and kept them and I found my calling.

I go on my trusty reliable shuttle Lola5000 and hop my way from planet to planet and basically take anything I think is valuable. Unfortunately one planet I recently went to I made an enemy. He is a pompous time lord named Yuu and boy does his name fits who he is. Well, I took something of his a tiny machine. I didn’t know at the time I took it, but this device were his keys to various dimensions. When he found out it was gone I was climbing into my shuttle and he came after me in his own shuttle. Suffice to say I whipped him good and Yuu barely made it back alive to his planet.

I thought I was safe. I sold the device, made good money from some squid people and decided to enjoy a few days respite before going back out for more treasure. Unfortunately, Yuu would find me and I would become all to aware of just who he is. A time lord who thinks his kind should be the only living species anywhere in the entire universe. Leave it to me to tick off someone big no huge bad guy. Such is my life but this time I couldn’t escape for good.

What happened was Yuu made a spare device and today of all days he decided to use it sending me and my annoying friend John through space and time hopping from 2215 to 1988 and beyond till finally deciding on 65 million years, time of dinosaurs to be our final resting stop. We tried to get away but quite frankly we didn’t know we were in danger. Yuu turned on the device miles away from us, locked on to me in a race with my annoying friend to see who would get to the top of a —-well it doesn’t matter now. Yuu got us right at the moment I was going to declare myself the winner! Yuu’s goal in all this to screw up our life lines and hopefully keep us from being able to return home. If we can’t find a way to the future we are toast and according to Yuu will also wipe out our kind. I don’t know about that for my annoying friend but it sure will me, I am a one and only whereas he has billions of himself male and female scattered all over the current universe.

SIMON

I climb the tree using my claws, enjoying the feel of the bark as I rake up it.

“Chanda, can you see anything yet?” John, my human friend, whines from below.

“Not yet, John,” I shout. Most people find John irritating, but then most people think a tiger walking around on two legs and talking is scary, so we’re a good match. I reach the top of the immense tree and take a look around. We seem to be in some kind of rain forest. The trees stop after a few kilometres, though and beyond them I can see some weird, tall trunks beyond it. As I watch, one of the trunks move. They’re creatures, but what creatures could be that tall?

I climb back down the tree, skipping from branch to branch until I land beside John. “We need to go that way, but there are some weird creatures over there.”

“Weird how? Weird dangerous?” John asks.

I shake my head. “No, I don’t think so. Not unless they step on us. Come on.”

I run off through the forest, skipping over roots and around tree trunks.

John only takes a second before he runs after me. He’s surprisingly quick for a human. Still incredibly clumsy compared to me, but he does his best.

It only takes us an hour in the dense forest to make it to the edge. That’s when we get a good look at them. Creatures towering above us as big as houses.

“Wow, those are alamosaurus,” John says. “I saw them in a documentary. The alamosaurus is eight and a half metres tall, twenty metres long and weighs 27 tons. It was discovered in 1922 by Gilmore and…”

The closest alamosaur turns and looks at us.

“John, forget the history lesson. Do those things eat meat?” I ask.

“They’re omnivorous, so yeah,” John says. “We might be better off staying in the forest.”

I shake my head. “No. We need to find Yuu and we’ll never find him trudging through the forest. We need to get up somewhere high and see if he’s here.”

I look out across the plain and see a hill on the far side. “How fast can these things run?”

“Not fast,” John says. “I think.”

“Well let’s find out,” I say, breaking into a run out onto the plain.

The alamosaurs all turn and look at us as we sprint. I give them as wide a berth as I can and keep going for the hill. It’s further than it looks, but eventually we scramble to the top.

Looking out, I scan the horizon in all directions. Far out, further across the plain, I can see smoke.

“We don’t know what’s between us and that,” John says.

“I know,” I say. “Fun, isn’t it?”

CHRISTY

Yuu smiles from about a mile and a half away at the sight of Chanda and John scrambling up a hill to avoid a group of  alamosaurs.  It would have been nicer, he thinks, if one of them had actually attempted to eat one or both of them but this is a good start.

After all, he had to eventually dump them somewhere and what better era than dinosaurs.  Then his narrow eyes become like slits, he sees the tiger head of Chanda looking right at his hawk like eyes.  Darn should have moved further back that darn tiger-human hybrid has eagle eyes.  And why did she have to also have such a great body, lean muscle, wide shoulders, those curvy legs…if only that darn thief hadn’t taken my only set of keys to all the dimensions of the universe!   I had to remake them and by golly it was not going to take another decade to do so.   I did my new set in a world record time too.  Two weeks!  Oh well, despite her looks, I am still part of a far superior race.  She will have to be sacrificed.  Hee hee. After Chanda is gone I will work on wiping out the Human race next and it will take more than killing John to do it.  Hee hee I have a great idea but first things first that hybrid pest!

Yuu, has a human body from the waist down but up from there he could easily be compared to a dashhound.  He has their high cheeks, slit like lids around dark eyes, a long snout, and sleek neck all lean mean muscle covered in chocolate fur.  He turns and starts going down his own hill using mountain gear he wears.  Once he is at he bottom of the hill, he takes out his replacement keys and considers using an alternate setting he put in it.  After a few moments he decides yes why the heck not and presses a tiny red button that will send out an ultra high frequency sound to bring bats out of the their slumber in caves.  It is the best time too, since the sun is an hour into setting.  Yuu also decides to press a black button too bring out the dragon flies.  Together they will drive Chanda and John nuts. The bats will fight each other to eat the dragon flies and the dragon flies will do all they can to survive.  Hopefully it will cause these two pests to fall off the hill.  Hee hee. Then again why make it so easy, I have other things far worse to use on them. Naw, I will just annoy the hell out of them. Hee hee.

SIMON

“Who are you staring at?” John asks.

I look back at him and realise he can’t see as far as I can. “Yuu. He’s here, over just beyond the smoke, on top of a mountain.”

John squints into the horizon. “I can barely see the mountain, how can you see Yuu on top of it?”

“I can also see a pack of four-metre high dinosaurs between us and there,” I say. “They look a lot meaner than those alamosaurs.”

“Probably alectrosaurus,” John says. “Their name means eagle lizard. They’re vicious.”

“We’ll need to skirt around their territ -” I break off and listen. My sensitive ears pick up a high pitched squealing noise coming towards us. “Forget that, John, run straight for the eagle lizards.”

“What? You’re crazy, they’ll have us for lunch. They’re much faster than those alamosaurs,” John shouts.

“If we don’t, we’ll be in even bigger trouble,” I call back and run for the pack.

I hear John right on my tail. He might be annoying, but he trusts me and I trust him.

“You’d better be right about this,” John shouts.

I just point to our left. A black cloud of something is head towards us. I point to our right, where another roiling dark mass is hurtling through the air towards us.

As we get within a few hundred metres of the alectrosaurs, they all look up and twist, orienting on me and John. They run for us, moving incredibly fast.

I hope I have the timing right and then see that I do. As the alectrosaurs get close, the cloud on the left swoops down. The air is suddenly thick with enormous dragonfly. The cloud on their right arrives a second later. What Yuu thought of as bats, are actually huge flying dinosaurs, with wingspans of six metres. I jump on John and bundle him to the ground as the battle in the air above us begins.

“Those are pteranodons,” John says, looking up from under me. “They lived in the late Cretaceous…”

“John, shut up,” I growl, my tiger voice adding extra bass to the words.

The alectrosaurs are fighting the pteranodons, ripping them out of the sky with their teeth. The air and ground around them is a mess of fighting and dying creatures. As the clouds clear, I get up into a crouch and look around.

The pteranodons have eaten most of the dragonfly and gone back to their caves. The alectrosaurs have caught and eaten some of the pteranodons and are now too full to bother me and John.

I pull John to his feet. “Come on. We need to make to that smoke before Yuu does. Whatever is there, he wants it, so we’d better get to it first.

CHRISTY

Yuu has just finished repacking his mountain gear into his large camping backpack when he turns to check on the alectrosaurs and the pteranodons. Rats, he thinks, they got each other not the pests.  This will put a dent in the time remaining, three hours to be exact, to get to the smoke, go through it, and be back home.  It will take at least an hour to make his way to the smoke. Yuu could try to shrink the time down but it can’t be by much at most twenty minutes. More than that in addition to two hours to kill the pests and he risks being trapped with dinosaurs and having to wait a week before being able to use his tiny machine to get back. IF he still had his original one, this whole thing would be mute, he would have had all the chances in the world to get back home.  Time wouldn’t be a factor.  BUT no that tiger-hybrid took it and sold his keys!   His new keys are great but not nearly as excellent as the originals because he made them so fast.

Yuu lifts a skinny dog paw and rubs the underneath of his jaw thinking for several moments.  He then quickly barks three times, not too loudly just enough to waken the magic gods, and then does a hypnotism spell on Chanda and John.  Yuu he makes some guttural noises and a couple high pitched noises then says some gibberish, finishes and waits to see his handy work. He watches as John, the human, who is walking at Chanda’s side reach his right arm out and pat Chanda on the head several times right between her ears. Chanda stiffens, turns and tackles John. Soon they are punching and clawing at each other. Neither getting the upper hand until Chanda suddenly does a pretzel lock on John by grabbing him around the waist, contorts him, and then throws him like a discus into the air.  Yuu grins so big his tongue slips out and he pants.  Catching himself seconds later, he composes himself.  Good thing two because the fight between Chanda and John is slowing down in intensity and now they are standing up, brushing themselves off of ground material, and talking animatedly with each other.  Crud, thinks Yuu, as he gets out his tiny machine again, instead of repeating the buttons from earlier, he decides, to press a star shaped green button.  Hee hee let’s see them try to out run a swarm of Rugosodon eurasiaticus.  Hee hee these suckers will bite the heck out of the pests!  Yuu then returns his tiny machine to his backpack and starts walking.  If he has to stop again on his way to the smoke to deal with the pests again fine, but right now he thinks there is no time to lose.

SIMON

“Then why did you pat me like some household cat?” I snarl.

“It’s not my fault that you can’t take a little affection,” John says. “I was just trying to be friendly.”

“Keep your hands to yourself in future,” I say. “We’re about a kilometre from the smoke. If we hurry, we can get there a little before Yuu and ambush him when he arrives.”

“What’s that rushing noise?” John asks. “It sounds like water.”

I look around, spot a tree and grab John around the waist. Lifting him up, I run to the tree and scramble up it awkwardly. Holding John makes climbing difficult. I perch him on a low branch. “Wait here.”

I jump back to the ground and grin, bearing my sharp feline teeth. I sniff the air and lick my lips. It was nice of Yuu to send me a snack.

Hundreds of creatures that look just like rats appear from around a small hill and dash towards me.

I crouch down, getting ready to strike.

“Those are Rugosodon Eurasiaticus,” John says, above me. “The oldest ever discovered in the multituberculate family…”

“Shut up, John,” I snarl. “They’re just rats to me.”

As the rats get closer, I spring into the air. I land on all fours, my claws piercing the bodies of four rats simultaneously. Before the others can swarm around me, I’m back in the air, flipping and landing on my hands to squish another two rats.

I flip and spin, each time landing on my feet or hands on the rats, squashing them with my palms or impaling them on my claws.

“Ew,” John calls from the tree.

The rats jump, throw themselves at me. This isn’t normal rodent behaviour. Something is forcing them to act suicidally.

I land on my feet and karate chop rats from the air as they fly at me. Pretty soon, there aren’t any left to attack me. I pick up a rat and take a bite. “John, you can come down now.”

“Please tell me you’re not eating a rat,” John calls.

“Okay, I won’t tell you. We’re going to have to run now, if we’re going to get to the smoke before Yuu,” I say.

“No,” John calls. “First put the rat down.”

I hide the rat behind my back. “I’ve thrown it away.”

John vaults down from the tree and lands with a grunt. “Thank you. Come on, I’ve seen you eat human food. How can you go back to being so primitive?”

I pull my hand back out with the gnawed rat in it. “It’s part of my nature, John. I’m hungry, so I eat the food that’s available. Now let’s run.”

CHRISTY

Yuu stops suddenly in his tracks and twitches his folded down ears, only a quarter of the way from the mountain he was at, there is no more growling from Chanda and no more high pitched Rugosodon Eurasiaticus sounds and gnashing of their teeth.  She must have been hungry…groan.  Both paws go to Yuu’s face and cover it.  This didn’t happen, this didn’t happen….damn it happened.  Damn..damn…damn! If Yuu could produce steam out of his ears he would, he is that angry. Instead he can only lift them up and flop them back down several times.  Just not up to par but it will have to do.   Cynodictus, the word suddenly pops into his head.  His paws come off his face.  Oh yes, oh yes…my ancestors!  Cynodictis have a long muzzle and a low-slung body and have long sharp teeth excellent for shearing off the flesh from his pests. Why did not I not begin with them! Well I thought of them now and I do not need by keys to call them.  Hee, hee. They are not huge yes, but they pack a mean punch.  Hee hee.  Maybe I will wait a few minutes and watch hee hee. Just have to be sure I don’t pant or drool.  Must be dignified you know, says Yuu to himself. So without further ado he tilts his head up, snout in the air and howls deep and long. He then does some pre-historic dog/wolf speak and stops.

SIMON

I scan the plains ahead of us. A few chicken-sized dinosaurs are running around, but nothing that will stop us. At the end of the plain are some small hillocks and beyond that the source of the smoke.

“We’re ten minutes from the smoke,” I call to John.

John wheezes in response. He seems to be having trouble keeping up with my fast pace.

“Nothing can stop us now,” I shout with glee. That’s when I hear the barking.

A pack of six weird looking dogs bound over the hillocks ahead of us and sniff the air.

I skid to a stop. “Dogs. Why did it have to be dogs?”

Dogs and I don’t get along. They tend to chase me. While I can outrun them and climb up a nearby tree, it’s undignified for a person to have to run like a house-pet.

John stops beside me, panting for breath. “What… do… we… do… now?”

I look at the dogs. They seem to be almost a cross between bears and dogs. They aren’t running at me and John, instead they seemed to be guarding the way to the smoke. I know that if we get close, the dogs will charge, but if we don’t hurry, Yuu will get to the smoke and likely disappear forever.

“We could throw a stick?” John asks.

I look at him like he’s mad. “You go try that, then.”

John shakes his head.

“We need something to distract them,” I say. “Some way to get them off those hillocks so we can get through to the smoke behind.”

“We need a cat,” John says.

I nod. “You’re right, John. I’ll distract them and you get to the smoke while they’re out of the way.”

“What? No? They’ll eat you alive,” John says.

“It’s the only way to stop Yuu,” I say. “Make sure that he doesn’t get away.”

I sprint for the hillocks, getting as close as I dare and then waving my arms around.

The dogs stare at me and then dash after me, barking and slavering.

I yelp and run away from them at a right angle to the hillocks. I sprint as fast as I can.

The dogs are catching up. Four legs are faster than two.

Growling, I drop to all fours and run like a cheetah, lopping away as fast as I can.

————-

John waits until I have led the dogs clear and then sprints for the hillocks. He jogs up them and finally sees what the smoke is coming from – a plain wooden door standing in the middle of a charred crater. John finds some heavy bushes and crouches down in them to wait for Yuu.

CHRISTY

Yuu witnesses all of this from fifty feet away and every fiber of his being is ticked off both at himself and at the dinosaurs, the dragon flies, the rats, the bats, and yes at his ancestors too. He is supposed to part of THE RACE OF ALL RACES!  Out of the two hundred he has already wiped out personally, there are others of his Kind with thousands they have killed, he is getting his behind kicked by a hybrid tiger-human and a full fledged human.  Maybe he is failing because he did this out of revenge for his original keys being stolen because all the other times revenge never played a part.  Yuu had nothing against them personally they just had to well go..that’s all.  There is only one move left he has in his bag of tricks to prevent them from succeeding and going through the smokey door.  He is aware he is five times further away then they are and if this last thing does not work …no it MUST WORK.  Yuu takes out his keys one last time and looks for the button of all buttons the black one.  It is very tiny so tiny it will take a single claw to break the outer layer just to get to the part that activates the remaining function.  Well thinks Yuu this is it I am going to destroy everything here…death to the dinosaurs and all other manner of life.  The only survivor will be me or heaven forbid THEM. Sigh never thought I would be the one to make this place extinct but an evil guy has to do what an evil guy as to do.  So without further delay he takes one claw punchers the outer layer of the black button then gets to the second layer.  Now within a span of seconds the fireworks will begin.

SIMON

I manage to lose the Cynodictus a half a kilometre from the hillocks and leave them panting in the sun. I walk back towards the smoke, out of breath and feeling tired. There has been too much running, even for me.

It starts to get dark. I look up, confused. It’s midday and the sun shouldn’t be going down for hours yet. I see something dark in front of the sun. Something with a long tail behind it – an asteroid. Yuu has to be behind it. He just has to be. I force myself to run again. I have to make it to John before that thing wipes out all life on this hemisphere.

—-

John is crouching in the bushes, but his legs are getting sore. He shifts a little to change position and feels a breeze on his cheek. Looking up, John sees the long snout of Yuu, a hand’s breadth from his face.

Yuu punches John in the face, sending him sprawling to the ground.

John rolls to his feet, ready to fight, but Yuu is gone. John turns and sees Yuu running for the wooden door, something clutched in his paw. John scans the ground at his feet and spots a rock. Picking it up, he throws it at Yuu, hitting Yuu between the shoulders.

Yuu turns and barks at John angrily. His barks are interrupted, however, by the hissing of lizards as dozens of tiny dinosaurs run over the lip of the crater towards him. They stream around him, knocking him over with their numbers.

Yuu and John hear a yowl from nearby as I run over the hillocks and into the crater.

“You two have interfered with my plans for the last time,” Yuu says, scrambling to his feet and walking the last few metres to the door. He puts his paw on the door and opens it, revealing daylight on the other side. The door must be a portal into another world or another time.

I run for Yuu, but I know I won’t get there in time. He’s going to leave us stranded with only minutes to live.

John finds another rock and throws it, hitting Yuu’s paw and sending the device there flying.

Yuu howls as the world behind the door changes from a pleasant, green planet to a red fiery one. His howl is cut short, however, as I barrel into him, sending him flying through the door.

I slam it shut behind him and ignore the frantic knocking.

John strides over, picking up the device that fell from Yuu’s paw. “He was using this to cross over.”

I take the device and look at the strange collection of buttons – stars, moons, hearts and clovers. I press buttons at random and then open the door. The world there has changed. It’s not the fiery world that Yuu stumbled into and not the green world from before, instead I see a small medieval town.

“Do we go through?” John asks.

“Of course,” I say. “Yuu just gave us the chance to get authentic medieval artifacts first hand. Besides, I don’t want to be smashed to pieces by that asteroid.”

John and I walk through the door and into another adventure.


 




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